Longing to make your Passion your Job? Think Again… :-)

The other day I was looking through our bookcase, in search of a SINGLE title that did NOT have to do with Tantra, Sexuality, Self Development, or Business. Eventually I found a good novel, but it took some rummaging! Where are the days gone when I read Rilke? And Dostoyevski? And actually had friends to share my discoveries with?!

Right, that’s it! I need to branch out a bit more!

Here is the disadvantage of making your passion your profession, and your business too. No hobbies any more! And all my friends work in the sectors I mentioned above. Our meetings either happen in workshops, on Skype, in peer groups, or on parties. I’m most likely to go camping on spiritual or shamanic festivals, where I work, or network, or study.

When I find a new friend we will probably arrange a session exchange VERY soon. Even if we WERE chasing butterflies together, we would probably still talk either either Self-Development, or business, albeit out of breath.

A lot of people envy my lifestyle, I’m sure. In quieter times, I can sit in the yard in the sun like now, clad in my bikini, donning hat and sun glasses, and write my blog.

I get taken to parties where people are doing weird and wonderful things to each other, however I always have my sex geek glasses on, and mindfully explore mine and others’ desires. So much to learn, all the time. About people. About my Self. And no rest for the wicked, or so it seems. 🙂

Interesting new friends, who don’t feel threatened by me being fluent in the above subjects, might apply, and then gently redirect me to innocent topics, like poetry, raw cuisine, and their recent hilarious adventures, nothing sexual please! It’s my time off. 🙂

Home, Heimat, and Belonging

I’ve recently relocated to the Hampstead area, and was enjoying the view from Parliament Hill, on a fine day, along with everybody else, dog walkers, couples, families. London’s skyline has changed that rapidly in the past decade. There must be an old copper plate up there, with the skyline engraved, and probably hopelessly out of date. I’ve always been fond of the Gherkin, as it was just being constructed when I came to London, and I had to pass there every day on my way to work. Still, the overwhelming sentiment that day was one of apprehension, and I believe it always has been when looking at London. I’ve been thinking about belonging and home quite a bit recently, no doubt due to my recent move. There is a German word, HEIMAT, difficult to translate really, even though it does mean home, but in a more all encompassing sense. It means your origins, but also where your heart is at home, where you feel you belong. That is why these days people cite several things and places as their Heimat, as I read in a recent study.

A number of my clients live abroad, or further afield in the UK, and travel to London for business or to see friends and family, and I’m always happy to welcome them back, however sporadically they may turn up, and maybe provide a bit of home for them, reminding them that they have a body, and how yummy and good it can feel, and that, at the same time, their body and spirit are part of a greater whole. Or I hope they do feel that. Maybe they just come back to see me again? Sarani, a bit changed, through experience, at a different place in her life; and so are they, their energy changed, having made new encounters, gained new insights, richer in experience, and life. So we meet again, the same – but different. Providing mirrors for each other, reflecting being, in the course of time. And maybe this series of encounters provides a strange continuity that feels like belonging, somehow, a bit anonymous, maybe even a bit wicked and adventurous, something they are not going to tell anybody about, their, and my, little secret? And mostly not part of their daily activities. I often marvel at how people have changed, and quiz them about it, and it fills me wonder and gratitude, and then the opposite, people come to see me again after two years, and the very same issues and questions are prevalent!

I have been a resident alien for almost two decades now, in three different countries, two continents, nothing special these days, and then, people just travel so much anyway it makes me dizzy. I love London, because there is a great number of people here just as crazy as me, with a similar outlook on life, and because I seem to have strong ties with rotten old Europe on the one hand, and yet only feel truly at home with a great mix of skin colours, ethnicities, languages and nationalities around me. It seems that change, or variety, have become the belonging, the home I need. Yet, I am romantic, and every time I go to Wiltshire and stay in the beautiful house of my teachers on a residential workshop, maybe sticking my head out of the window on a crisp autumn morning, haze lifting, crows flying as if alerted, all out of and into the same huge trees, unbelievably starry skies at night, I have a complicated thought: I had better not stay too much time here, else it would be impossible to leave… And then, of course, I’m German. Meine Heimat.

What makes a place home then? It’s always people, says one of my American clients. People make you feel at home. You develop attachment to their faces, ways and oddities, and even if you happen to dislike them profoundly, you still feel attached. Take the Thames near Canary Wharf. Immediately, a lot of situations come to my mind, happy and not so happy days, sunshine and rain, and yes, friends and beloveds. Now, Victoria station? I have never managed to make friends with that one, even though it’s so very London, and imposing. Not enough loved ones to connect it with? I remember traveling through a place in South-East London, where I used to live for several years, quite important years of my life, and feeling absolutely nothing. How frightening! Were these years obliterated from my life? Did they not count, with zero emotional attachment to the surroundings? More frightening even, one day, looking back on today, will this time count? Do I develop attachments? Do I commit? Invest emotionally? Do I make sense? Live my purpose?

It seems that meaning is the other Heimat people tend to quote. Something that defines them, gives them their purpose. In this sense, you make your own home, with the help of others, because it seems to be the very task humans face, to make sense in their lives. This finding or seeing sense comes in stages. At any stage of our lives we are blissfully unaware of the bigger picture. We THINK we know. And then our path trails off, maybe we move to another country, or face other major changes, and need to start again, in a different way, and we don’t know why. It just does not make sense any more. And then, by-and-by, it does again. I’ve done a lot of coaching lately, and it seems the very thing that people need to hear is that they are ALLOWED to get stuck, or to be in a crisis, or to be ill at times. It’s part of human nature. It’s the way we are made. Ease, and dis-ease, all in time. Having a crisis does not mean they got all wrong, are on the wrong path, have been barking up the wrong tree. In fact, it is a sign of health! We need to ALLOW ourselves to be down in the dumps at times. It HAS to be like that, else we wouldn’t change and develop, and, by-and-by, follow our paths. We can’t KNOW our paths until we walk them. Only then they start to reveal themselves. Think back of your life, particularly at a time of crisis, say, loss of a loved one. How you thought the world would end. And then, it didn’t, and maybe a most marvellous encounter turned your life around.

Here is where either religion or spirituality comes in. It seems we need to trust that it will all make sense in the end, or, in other words, that the universe is a good universe, and that we have incarnated and live in this world for a reason.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but if there is no plan, no purpose, there really is not much point in trusting. I trust I’m gonna die one day? And on the way there all kinds of arbitrary things are being thrown at me, if I’m lucky, they are good, if not, well, bad luck, mate?

The other thing to trust in and feel is that we do not need to live out of our own endeavor alone. We can trust that the forces of life will always be there, flowing through us, that energy and life-force itself, connection to Source will always be present, unless we choose to blot it out, via fear/muscle tensions and desire to take control. We choose to disconnect. Times of crisis are frequently times of surrender to Source. These days, reading Psalm 23 makes me cry, because I can feel the same. Trusting in the face of change, even though I often can’t see where exactly it’s going, and why. I know I will one day. I trust I’m being led the right way. I cry out of gratitude, and awe, looking back on my life. I could not have known, nor have done it, all by myself.

The last and whackiest aspect of Heimat, are we really truly human alone, of and from this planet? Or have we incarnated into the human realm from very different realms? In times of crisis, longing for a very different and metaphysical kind of Heimat can arise. See what you make of the poem underneath, a good friend of mine wrote it recently, flat-searching in London, just like me.

May all beings find their Heimat, and feel it! May you all feel at home, loved and protected! May we all find our purpose, and meaning in life…

Love and namaste, Sarani Premanjali

Moving House

Changing platforms

for the umpteenth time

because I can’t remember

if I need to go East

or West

A thought pops into my head:

Why don’t you just go Home?

I am confused

yet I know

Home is not where I used to live

nor where I live now

Home would be incredibly easy

to get to

just a few stops

along the line

and no changing

At Finchley Road

or Baker Street

I know

they would all be there

Waiting for me

My real mother

Real father

Siblings

I can hear their clear voices

ringing in my ear

Dear beloved faces

warming my heart

with tenderness

My real soul mate

who has never met

his darling wife

my real children

lovely son and dearest daughter.

And yet

I carry on

pretending

to live somewhere

to make sense

to have a life

and things to do

along with everybody else

in the long winding tunnels

on the draughty stairs

deep under ground.

That woman on Kings Road

Late at night

on the bench

staring out

another night sleeping rough ahead

Sitting

like an Earth Goddess

Beyond illusion

Waiting

for the call.

Come

Home.

Romantic Love, Magic, and Tantra

Spring is almost here! A good time to write about love and romance. Since my last blog post, about Valentines, I pondered a lot about what ‘romantic’ means for people. I was quizzing my friends what connotations the word ‘romantic’ had for them. Romantic dinner? Romantic gesture? Romantic place? I am not even sure if men stop reading this post right now, whether it features in their world, or whether it’s a word they hear a lot from their partners, but don’t really know what to make of it?

Well, I had better admit here that in my 20s, the word didn’t feature at all in my universe. I was living in Berlin, studying, working, having fun, going out, having boyfriends. My approach to life was mainly – hmm – pragmatic? It’s almost incredible for me now to write that down, but I think it’s true! Berlin is not a particularly romantic city, or wasn’t then, as West-Berlin, and people tended to be blunt, outspoken, pragmatic, political.

I must have thwarted a number of romantic attempts to approach me. Again, a list of people to apologize to. Sorry! I did not know any better then. At the same time, romantic gestures moved me a lot, to a level that surprised me.

Simple gestures, like opening a car door, so I could get in first. Receiving little gifts, out of the blue. My new boyfriend leaving me little notes and love poems on the kitchen table. And then, I took up Argentinian Tango. My partner was mainly interested in the dance technique, but the teacher would sometimes step in to show him something, so I could FEEL what this dance was about. So romantic. So erotic! I never got to a really advanced technical level, but when it worked, it was not about technique. It was about connection, about a melting of male and female, in a mystical way. I would have my eyes closed, feeling safe and embraced, trusting completely. I wasn’t being led, I was him. He was me. It was like reading thoughts, before you even have them.

I think this is pointing to what the word romantic is about. It’s an out of the ordinary, different from your everyday experience. Miracles and mystical experiences in themselves are not necessarily romantic, but can be – if there is an erotic charge, a connection and melting of opposites. My friends in long-term relationships say it’s about kissing each other in the hall, when passing, spontaneously, or maybe about a look in the eyes when leaving the house in the morning. Or doing what needs to be done, for each other, unexpectedly, as a gesture of love. It’s like another realm popping up, a mystical one, full of love and eroticism.

Children are still connected to those mystical realms naturally, before puberty makes them boys feeling drawn to girls, and girls interested in boys. A toy car can become a real one, easily, and them driving it. Their reality comprises monsters and fairies and witches and heroes and pixies, quite naturally, without having to ‘switch’ realms.

Miracles can occur any moment! 

Their world view is magical. Every moment can take a joyful, or scary turn, any time. They live in the moment, magically fed by and feeding both realms. They are not afraid to feel feelings. More and more I begin to see how adults suffer when this magical realm seems lost for them, and is then replaced by cynicism. I think I want to quote from the book I’m currently reading, Womb Wisdom, by Padma and Anaiya Aon Prakasha. The quote is true for men and women alike though! “You know that deep within you there is so much more, so much more you deserve and that you have felt. But you have forgotten about it, and relegated it to a dream, a fantasy, a romantic illusion. And now you have settled for ‘comfort’ and pleasantry – and left out part of your soul in this deal, this bargain. At any time you can notice this thread, as a whispered thought, an unusual feeling, a hope, a dream, a chance meeting, […] and a longing in the heart.

Follow it, act upon it, do something radical, and enjoy the bliss, and adventure, of this path.” What is strong in this quotation is the being in the moment, being present to it. A large number of people never ever arrive in the Now! They make up stories, about the past, about the future, but they are never ever here, now! Cynicism is the belief that all your (negative) past experiences are going to be repeated in the future. It is a thorough disenchantment with life, and then taking a kind of delight in the hopelessness, cherishing negativity. We CREATE our reality. If you believe your future is going to be dull and bleak, that’s exactly what it’s going to be! As a teacher of mindfulness, I’m all about bringing people back to the present moment, and to the miracles they let pass by, unaware. It makes me sad how very negative people feel often about themselves, how they want to cut off, from the moment, from their own bodies, to just not feel any more. I want to make them feel better, infuse them with love, blessings, care, respect, enchantment, so they pick up courage to face themselves, and the present moment, and to suddenly find miracles there.

In Tantra, we seek divinity and love in everyday life, every moment. Couples giggle when I ask them to address each other as divine beings, as God and Goddess. What they are not aware of is that treating each other casually, cruelly and off-hand on a daily basis is in turn creating reality too. Say something beautiful, honouring, loving to your partner three times a day! Watch your relationship transform in front of your eyes, into something magical and divine, something you would have never thought possible, see that divine being you are with, maybe for the first time. We have more magic available than we can possible fathom, until we try it.

Which leads me to the other, magical, fantastic book I’ve been reading, called, ‘The Future of Love’, by Daphne Rose Kingsma, and it’s about ‘The Power of the Soul in Intimate Relationships’. Similar to ‘Re-writing the Rules’, by Meg Barker, it promotes finding out the kind of relationship that works for you, even if it goes against the grain of society. Let’s face it, finding our joy in life often does! Conventional therapy and counselling or couple counselling often work on the personality level alone, without taking the needs or the journey of the soul into account. I don’t want to advocate disastrous relationships, but if you find yourself in one, chances are that you need to rise to the challenge on a soul level as well. To illustrate that, it could happen that one partner only learns to speak out, speak his truth, when pushed to his limits by his spouse. In the end, relationships are about growth, not about mortgages.

The stages she defines in relationships sound ever so slightly depressing, but ring true nevertheless: Romance (Moonlight and Red Roses), Commitment (The Pledge), Crisis (A Crack in the Vase), Chaos (Loss of Control), Surrender (The Awakening), Transformation (True Love). If you have ever been guilty of trying to change your partner into something else, something he or she just wasn’t, you will identify with the above stages I think. In the last phase, transformation, it’s possible that the relationship gets transformed, so the partners are able to re-invent their relationship and to start a new phase together, find out what it’s all about, see each other for the first time as they really are, and start again, with each other, at phase 1. What can also happen is separation of course. There is no right or wrong in this, in my opinion. The only thing that needs to be avoided in life is stuckness, staying in a box you no longer believe in, stifling your vital energies, in order to conform. What I’m pleading for, together with Daphne, is to risk having a soulful life, with soulful relationships, and apart from Self-Awareness, we need aliveness for it, love, empathy, and consecration. Joy originates in soulful lives, and romance does too! Lives where we take risks, out of love, in order to be more truly our selves, with each other.

May you all have a blessed, romantic, loving spring full of mystery, miracles and joy!

Love and namaste, Sarani Premanjali,

Love/Soul/Pleasure Activist!

Tantra, Illness, and Gender

Years ago, when I studied Public Health at university I remember getting upset about the ease with which men present statistics for breast cancer. It seemed to be their favourite topic! I mused on the penchant to discuss a kind of cancer you yourself are never likely to get. As a tantric massage practitioner I often see people who are or have been quite ill, often with prostate cancer. I have very few woman clients (not by choice! Women!), and now find myself in a situation where I as a woman deal with men’s health and well-being. However, far from presenting statistics, I try to be really present with my whole being, and channel health and energy to my clients, adapting to them and to what has been discussed. I feel honoured by their sharing of intimate and painful details. I am beginning to learn that women can and should heal men, and the other way round. This is especially true in relationships and marriages. At times, the emotional involvement with your partner is too strong to really allow you to heal, though. Our partners have their own needs. I am beginning to see my role as that of a naked priestess, which is not really a role acknowledged by society at all. What a shame that doctors these days deny their spiritual tasks towards their patients, and priests don’t and should not allow close physical contact or nudity. Lives get saved in hospital, health is being restored, but who looks after the emotional wounds of being poked in intimate areas, and not being able to make sense of the illness. I  listen, I see – and you can see me too! TOUCH – proper touch – is a reminder… because we all KNOW, deep down. Let me show you – your SELF. Hold on – not your EGO really…. Self wants surrender. What a nice word. Surrender. Surrender…. Even nicer in German: HINGABE.

Authentic Tantric Massage vs. Sensual Massage

Tantric Massage seems to have a lot in common with sensual massage, they both use similar massage strokes in a certain order. Their aims, however, are quite different! Sensual massage is used as a foreplay to sex or leads up to orgasms and/or ejaculation, or instills the longing for sexual activity after, whereas Tantric massage is a way to get in touch with the inner divine via pleasure, and aims to connect the person on many levels, including the spiritual. In short, although extremely pleasurable and arousing, it aims at enlightenment, not recreation. In our daily lives we use a FRACTION of what we could be, as truly magical and powerful beings. Tantric massage can give us a glimpse of this totality that we usually neglect. It is also a way to feel fully seen and accepted in your sexuality, where we enter the realm of sexual healing. Sexual Healing sessions can be quite different from tantric massage sessions at times. Maybe I can quote my teacher Martin from Transcendence here, with his beautiful definition of Tantra “Awakening to Aliveness – realising One-ness.” Namaste to all, Sarani Premanjali

Valentines

I remember Valentines day in New York – it must have been Feb 14th 1999 – and I was studying there for a year, and being quite surprised about the fuss that was being made, and the kitschy pressies to buy. Valentines is not big in Germany, or at least wasn’t at that time. My Japanese flatmate had given me a card and a little present, and – taken by surprise – I hadn’t returned the favor, which did not improve the Japanese –German diplomatic relations in the least, which were tense to start with – Japanese tend to be very polite and indirect, and Germans quite blunt and outspoken. What stayed in my mind, however, is the look of pity I got from strangers for being out and about on my own that day. I didn’t feel I needed to be pitied, and stared back, baffled. It dawned on me that nobody wanted to be seen by themselves on Valentines, that it would be a major tragedy, the final proof of having failed miserably, in life, love and everything else.

Reading the magazines here gives me the impression that Valentines is one of the most disliked days of the year. Hearts and bears are abominable, the restaurants overpriced, it’s difficult to feel romantic towards your life partner of 25 years, or, quite simply, there isn’t anybody special right now, and even your friends are thousands of miles away as it happens.

So, how to deal with Valentines? As with many other holidays, the people who seemingly don’t fit into the stereotype of that day just tend to snub it, ignore it. You live by yourself in a bedsit on the outskirts of London, your family are on another continent, you’ve just separated, it’s Christmas, and as conveniently public transport is nonexistent that day, you can’t even see your friends, unless they are willing to accommodate you for 3 days in a row? People take to the bottle for lesser reasons I believe – OK, only joking. It is however reality for quite a number of people. What the people in New York were right about is that there need to be days when you should do your utmost to spend it with people you are close to. Christmas is one of them, even if you have to camp in somebody’s living room, but why not reinvent Valentines for yourself too? Take it as a festival of love, of humanity, of heart connection, and, so close to Chinese New Year, as a celebration to bless the year to come, to feel desire and wish for it to be manifested. Get together with friends, or other couples, or just anybody you happen to know, be grateful for your life, or at least for being still alive!

May you all have a happy Valentines this year, love and namaste

Sarani Premanjali

Who Are My Clients?

I am blessed with a vast range of people who come to see me. Though most of them seem to be middle class, quite a number of them aren’t! They are rich or poor, educated, or less so, Caucasian, Asian or mixed-race, from a variety of continents. I see very few black people, I don’t really understand why. I should also like to see more women clients, and couples. A lot of my clients come because of similar gorgeous tantric experiences, often abroad, or because friends or colleagues recommended tantric massage. You can come and see me to explore and to relax, provided you are open and ready to take part in the experience with the whole of your being. However, others come in a crisis, or a period of transition in their lives, to understand where they are at, to be listened to, or because their bodies yearn for loving attention. Some have survived sexual abuse, continuing their healing process. Some have disabled partners, or wives who have lost interest in sexual activity, maybe after having children, or as soon as months into their 35 years of marriage. They live in celibate marriages, yet would never consider leaving their wives – they love them. Some see me after surviving scary accidents, threatened by paralysis, and drag themselves to me on crutches after months and months of rehab, just to be reassured again they can be sexual with a loving woman, they haven’t lost their ability to perform, even if it’s only hand-relief I can offer them. Some come to show me their intimate parts because all their lives they haven’t dared to show them to anyone, for fear of being different and unacceptable. Some tell me stories from their lives they haven’t dared to tell anyone before me. Others share with me their sexual fantasies. A lot of them want to know how to feel sexuality in a deeper and more meaningful way, often being either married, or on a path of exploration of different sexual experiences. Some come to me out of despair because their wives are virgins and completely inexperienced and they somehow don’t seem to be able to consummate the marriage, yet unable to address the issue with their wives, for fear of hurting their feelings. Some come because of an enlarged prostate when prostate massage has been recommended, or after surgery in order to deal with ejaculatory difficulties. A number of them have performance issues and maybe would like techniques of how to last longer, or are dealing with delayed ejaculation. Others see me because they are elderly and want to be reassured everything is “in working order”. And others see me because they are very young and not so very experienced, and want to gain more confidence in dealing with women sexually, especially after a number of unsuccessful attempts. Some find me because their experiences in massage parlours were unsatisfactory or horrible, and get to know something completely different, leaving amazed and grateful. Do I need to say that I am often very grateful to my clients, moved by their trust in me and letting me share something really important in their lives? Thank you all! Lots of love and namaste, Sarani Premanjali

Tantric Massage and Healing

The headline “tantric massage” covers a vast range of services. As its worst, it can be a synonym for, well, a heartless hand-job, more or less. I often find it difficult to put into words what I offer. What do I offer? A recent client asked me, surprised: “But how do you do it?!” Do – what? I’m beginning to believe that the quality of PRESENCE is slowly going amiss these days. Meeting a new client is in a way a truly magical and wonderful encounter. Two people who have never met before sit together in a beautiful space, sip a cup of tea, and in these five minutes develop trust to take off their clothes in each other’s presence, and one allows to be intimately touched and aroused by the other.

PRESENCE is what I try to bring to the situation. I feel I’m available to my client on many levels: I sense and feel, draw on my skills and knowledge with a mixture of instinct and rational thought, and he/she can count on my love and respect. The client shows me the rhythm his/her body needs, and how long to stay where, invites me here or there, or puzzles me when some areas don’t seem to be very responsive. Verbal feedback comes in at times, encouragement, images.

I was talking to a younger therapist the other day, who summed up her work that clients come to her with problems which she can alleviate for them. Luckily, tantric massage clients often don’t come with problems, but even if they do, I am meeting them on the same level.

We ALL have problems. Problems seem to occur when we deviate too far from the path which life has foreseen for us. Healing is grace, magical. Even doctors can’t heal, e.g. if the patient has lost his will to live, or is convinced he or she must die. We can ALL do with healing, because we all stray from our paths, fearful, controlling or stubborn. Good healers seem to evoke our positive qualities, to make healing possible, and give us a mirror reflection of where we are currently. A lot of it happens on the physical level only, to show the body what it’s at – Shiatsu uses this. Ideally, healing will involve increased awareness though, which is cognitive, too. Sacred Sexual Healers – I count myself as one of them – don’t HEAL. They facilitate healing. They channel from the universe, or from wherever, the exact thing this person needs. HOW this works – please don’t ask! It does.

Prostate Health and Prostate Massage

I was talking to a male gay friend in his 60s the other day who had just been to his doctor to have biopsies from his prostate gland taken. Given that he had no symptoms, i.e. no change in his urinary flow, and his prostate seemed normal sized and evenly textured in previous examinations, I was quite horrified! From my work experience in the health sector I’d say, do what makes you feel safe, but I’d also encourage people to look at alternative options. The biopsy was recommended solely on the grounds of his elevated PSA level, which is a blood test measuring the prostate-specific antigen, which seems to be elevated when prostate cancer is present, but is by no means conclusive. What is more, the tiny biopsies may miss the cancer, so there is no way of knowing really. I do however sometimes come across clients whose health seems to be seriously damaged because they chose to go with doctor’s recommendations without doing any research. I’ve lately read two books on the subject, one is really excellent to understand the anatomy, and what examinations are all about, and I think it gives a quite balanced view on pros and cons of the current diagnosis and treatments. Excellent illustrations, too, not too scary. It’s called “The prostate – small gland, big problem” and it’s by the Prostate Research Campaign UK.
http://rcm-uk.amazon.co.uk/e/cm?lt1=_top&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=saranprema-21&o=2&p=8&l=as1&m=amazon&f=ifr&asins=1903734894
If you read that one, read the other one, too: It’s called “Prostate Health in 90 Days without drugs or surgery” and is written by Larry Clapp, an American who decided NOT to go with the advice of his doctors – and survived, being in good health now.
http://rcm-uk.amazon.co.uk/e/cm?lt1=_top&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=saranprema-21&o=2&p=8&l=as1&m=amazon&f=ifr&asins=1561704601
Please don’t take this post as a reason NOT to see your doctor – please go and get an opinion, which may well save your life, but don’t forget, there are options other than surgery out there, and then make a more informed choice. Please don’t forget to trust and honour your body – the prostate gland is the core of your masculine health. Larry Clapp, along with many health professionals, recommends prostate massage for the prevention of prostate problems, and even to reduce an enlarged prostate gland in size. For many straight men (and women!) who have not tried anal play, the rectum is a no-go area, tightly closed and shamefully guarded. Sometimes, an initial internal massage of the prostate (from the rectum) is not even very pleasurable – the area takes some time to become responsive to touch, and to open up. Don’t give up however – it can increase your sexual pleasure – indeed your pleasure in life – a lot! I still haven’t quite understood how this works in women, too, as they don’t have a prostate. Maybe it is a way to open up the first chakra, which has to do with trust to have your basic needs met, and it certainly takes quite a bit of trust to let anyone put their fingers in there – I speak from my own experience! Namaste and blessings to all beings, with or without prostate, Sarani Premanjali

On Judgement

When I started Tantric Massage I was convinced – like many of my colleagues – that there were two kinds: the sexual kind (not ours) and the spiritual one (ours!). The were really easy to tell apart. The first kind involved ejaculation, whereas the second kind didn’t.

Today, I have an inner list of people who I would like to apologize to, both clients who I made uneasy when they expressed the wish to ejaculate, and colleagues who I bluntly told it was prostitution what they did (I still cringe writing this. Sorry sorry sorry.).

Suffice to say, I’ve since experienced what it’s like to be labelled this way. My friend asks if I’m doing the sexual kind of massage now, and curls her lips. “For me”, she says, “Tantra is a SPIRITUAL path.” It DOES hurt, if people don’t understand. I was the same! Last weekend, I poured my heart out to another friend, who advised me to just take people as they are, and acknowledge where they are at. Very wise, but easier said than done. A shaman lady, who I love and admire, lectures me that tantra does not have to do with massage oil.

Sometimes I really tire of all the rejection and prejudices and think I should really spend more time with sex-positive people, whether they are spiritual or not. Why is everybody so terribly afraid of sexuality? Where did that come from in the beginning?

But what I wanted to talk about are judgements. Think back of what you once believed true, and have changed your mind about. What you thought was really BAD, in a big way, and then ended up doing it yourself, surprising yourself. I’ve got to add another example myself, concerning naturism. What a silly thing to do, I once thought. Then I went skinny dipping for the first time, and was hooked. What else? Shamanic dancing looks silly from the outside, go and do it, and get into the trance. Try hugging a tree, why not? Be surprised…. Challenge yourself with the silliest thing you can imagine, and go, and try it out, wholeheartedly. Make it a habit to challenge your beliefs. I recently facilitated a mindfulness group at a probation center, and, you know, what they are like there. Don’t we all? Fact is, they are just people like you and me. Vulnerable. Normal. Loveable. I’m still wracking my brain what could have possibly got them into a probation setting. I read Byron Katie recently, and I really recommend her books, because she developed a method that challenges our core beliefs.

Can you absolutely know that it’s true what you believe? Can you? Try to say the opposite of what you’ve just said, how does that sound? – Think back of the time when you were a teenager. What did the world appear to you then? Have you altered your core beliefs? Can you see the bigger picture now? Would it be conceivable that one day you look back to what you are and believe now, in much the same way as thinking back to the teenager you once were? I honestly and really hope that this will be the case for me. A recent client told me a sexual fantasy, and wanted to know if it’s bad to have a fantasy like that. Please be honest with yourselves and acknowledge your sexual fantasies, they are a source of strength and development. NOTHING is intrinsically good or bad, or at least it’s not us who may say so. I recently read that we have been invited to this wonderful drama of life as ACTORS, not as DIRECTORS or CRITICS. Really breathe this in, and feel how you can relax. How unkind you have been to yourself, how you pushed yourself forward how you struggled to achieve to be what you aren’t, all the while staying true to your core beliefs which have become so much more important than – YOU. You as you are, a divine and precious being, worthy to be seen, interesting, human, loveable. My friend has recently discovered a fantastic Danish film director, Susanne Bier, who plays with our notions of who is the goodie and who is the baddie. Her film “Brothers” starts of, and you already like the hero, a generous and broad minded loving family man and good and passionate husband, as opposed to his jailbird brother. And then, everything suddenly seems very different. A crisis turns the hero into someone you are afraid of, whereas his brother suddenly appears in a very different light….

Remember the women who sacrificed themselves for their sick husbands, a role sanctified by society? And then you look at the secondary gain, and at the patterns between husband and wife, and you wonder why the poor chap got sick in the first place. It makes you shudder to look deeper, and yet, this is what a life is all about, to look beyond first appearances, and then still love humanity, and shake our heads, and have a big belly laugh together, in the face of real suffering, and be empathetic at the same time… Relax. All we can do is be alert, be aware, and admit that things may be very different from what they seem to be.

And love your Self, and others.

A hug, and namaste to you all,
Sarani Premanjali